sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
