I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
