Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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