Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
