I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She bit a glass in half.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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