he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
