This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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