...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize