Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
