She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
