Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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