Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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