please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
