marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
