I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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