i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
