Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
