no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
