Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
