first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
