I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
