420 ftw
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
