My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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