I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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