If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
