if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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