Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
