genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
