Apparently you make a good broom.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
