Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She told me I should be a condom model.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
