No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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