i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
