I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
