You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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