Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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