The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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