9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
