After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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