I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
