We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
