I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
