dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
