WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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