the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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