I seem to have left my pride at pride
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
