wanna go halves on a baby?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
