fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
