i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
