I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
