Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
