he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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