I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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