fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
