whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
