She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
