I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
