I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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