return my video game
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
