You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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