He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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