Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
