Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
