I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
