For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
