All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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