she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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