Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
