When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
