I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
