I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
